Tim Ferriss was asked about success on his podcast (#813) and this was his answer, paraphrased:

“Becoming successful (financially) makes the successful more predisposed to depression and anxiety. The reason is that when you’re striving you have two things: 1) you have the hope/belief that the vast majority of your problems, the things that keep you up at night, will just vanish. That just doesn’t happen. 2) The other thing that the striving period gives you is it gives you a mission of sorts. And once you are the greyhound that catches the rabbit on the track you think ‘now what do i do with myself?’ The expectation is that with financial success there’s a lot more payoff and finality to the solving of problems, which is not the case.“

I 100% feel the greyhound thing. Every accomplishment I’ve made gives me more confidence and, undeniably, leads to more opportunity, but has had diminishing returns in terms of fulfillment. Put simply, every “next thing” I accomplish seems to feel less and less fulfilling over time.

For example, I got a job at a large tech company and felt a tremendous sense of pride and accomplishment for being one of the few selected. I’m embarrassed to say I showed off my business card, and felt proud of my email signature, and for about 2-3 months, I felt great. But that pride wore off. I started to wonder what I was doing there. I hadn’t pursued this job. It had opened itself up to me through a chain of events that I never could have predicted. And while I studied this company in undergrad, used a few of its products, and knew that many dreamed of working there, it wasn’t my dream. It was theirs.

Years later I completed a master’s program. Following graduation, I felt an immense sense of pride and accomplishment. My friends and family celebrated the accomplishment with me. I posted a picture of my diploma to social media, I updated my LinkedIn profile to show the university, and I spoke with pride about what I’d done…for about 1-2 months. But after those two months, I was struck with an immense sense of dread. A thought pattern I’d become all too familiar with: so what, now what? I ruminated about the bar I’d just set for myself, and the work that would need to happen to raise that bar.

And with each new cycle (target a goal > accomplish goal > reflect on accomplishment > what’s next?) came the realization that the accomplishment didn’t solve my problems. In fact, these accomplishments may have only magnified them, requiring more external validation, moving the baseline level of validation higher with each step. A rewards system of diminishing returns, where this “false fulfillment” culminated in a feeling of fatigue and emptiness that grew larger at the beginning of each new cycle.

Thinking on this, I identified the things that had seemed to last, that had really led to sustained fulfillment. Those things included the actions I’d done largely for others (e.g. volunteer work, mentoring, writing blog posts…like this one), the work I’d put into building great relationships with friends, family and partners, and the actions I’d taken exclusively for me (e.g. traveling and cycling through Europe, living in Boulder, producing music).

I’m curious if Tim’s comments, or any of the thoughts above resonate with you? Perhaps it’s in the moments where we lack awareness—the times where we’ve convinced ourselves that the journey we’re on is intrinsically motivated, that we believe we’re doing the work for Us, when in fact the path we’ve set ourselves on is really to appease some unidentifiable Them. Perhaps this is the error that leads to this negative feedback loop described above? This isn’t to say that all extrinsic motivation is bad. There is a case to be made that a little extrinsic motivation can be useful, perhaps as a tool to get us started. But perhaps the differentiating factor is in the awareness we have, in taking the time to dig into the source of our motivation, asking ourselves: is this journey worth the cost of my time, energy, and attention?

A few quotes I found to be helpful and inspiring below:

“The most deeply motivated people— not to mention those who are most productive and satisfied—hitch their desires to a cause larger than themselves.”

— Daniel H. Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion.”

— Simon Sinek, Start With Why

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how.’”

— Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

“Play long-term games with long-term people. The journey itself matters more than the goal.”

— Naval Ravikant

“Satisfaction comes not from achieving goals but from making progress toward them.”

— Arthur C. Brooks, From Strength to Strength

Thanks for reading.

Notes

Read more on extrinsic motivation as a tool on Substack here.